


Where Are You Now?

by karmy18



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: F/F, I believe, This is an AU, after the season 4 finale, an au, and, and can you blame her?, because the show has already shown that she would, but I can't say its everything, canon is a thing, i can't, kara danvers would do anything for lena luthor, lena has a lot of feelings, so you know, yes - Freeform, yet another story of these two coming together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-04-11 13:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmy18/pseuds/karmy18
Summary: Picking up where the last chapter left off. Aka after the sex.





	1. Chapter 1

“I know.”

“You do?”

She cocks an eyebrow. Her expression is loaded.

Kara deflates. She barely catches her saying her name, “Lena.”

She wants to understand. She so desperately wants to look at her best friend and see her. The person who she was before Lex told her. The hero of her own life. Kara Danvers was her hero. She never needed a yellow sun to give her powers. Not to Lena.

Her superpowers failed her in that moment. Kara felt impossibly human. There were no amount of walls she could break down to resolve this.

That something more neither of them gave voice to was suddenly present. It was all there.

Kara didn’t have it all. She didn’t know.

Lena loved this woman who was fiddling with her glasses. The sight so familiar to her. She had sworn when she came to National City that this time it would be different. She wouldn’t succumb to her own emotions. Her job, the company with her name on it, was her life. National City had become so much more than that. Before the world nearly came to an end, again, she could have sworn she had found a home.

It was all different now. It had to be.

 

Lena can’t look at her for more than a fleeting second. Her eyes scan the room restlessly.

Kara wishes she had the words to fix this. Lena was different. Not because of her last name. but because of who she had proven herself to be.

Kara tries to start, “I…Lena, I, uh, I never-“

Lena’s voice rings out, “Don’t.”

What was it she had said the night she had found out? Always. They were supposed to be on the same side.

It’s like part of her surrenders then and there. She can’t look at the woman who is supposed to be her best friend, the one who can shift actual mountains. So what does Lena do? Something that doesn’t require talking.

Her hands are on either side of Kara’s face. Her eyes are set on her lips.

Then she’s kissing Kara.

She’s pouring herself into Kara. She needs to be so much closer.

One hand is on Kara’s neck, her fingers in her hair. She hears the whimper coming from Kara as hands settle on Lena’s waist.

She takes a much needed breath. Kara’s lips move from her lips to her jaw. When they find her neck, Lena cries out.

Kara immediately stops. She moves away breaking their embrace. Fear is evident in her eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

Lena summons whatever wits she has left. “Don’t stop.”

Kara nods before finding the spot on Lena’s neck that may as well serve as a self destruct button.

It’s like Kara can sense how undone Lena is rapidly becoming.

She guides Lena a few steps so that her back is against the wall.

Lena is melting with Kara’s touch.

Her hips rise to meet Kara’s waist.

She’s not thinking as their lips come back together again. Her mind only has one thing on repeat, _Kara, Kara, Kara_.

Lena’s clinging to Kara as she all too easily picks her up.

The world is just the two of them.

Kara lays Lena down on the bed. There’s a hesitation in Kara’s hands as she begins to unbutton Lena’s blouse. Lena swears Kara trembles as she struggles with the last two buttons.

Lena’s voice is husky, “I want this.”

Kara hears her, her hands more sure as she untucks the blouse from her pants. There’s a gentleness to each of her actions. She could rip the shirt to shreds without thought. But she doesn’t. She’s careful with Lena.

Lena’s top is off. Lena tugs at Kara’s own sweater. She pulls it over her head in one swift movement.

Everything happens in slow motion.

She feels Kara with her. When she pauses, with nothing else separating them, Lena’s hands find Kara’s face. “I trust you.”

The words are true.

Kara rests her weight on her forearms, all Lena can see is Kara. Her words are timid. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not going to hurt me.”

She believed it. Kara had to too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where the last chapter left off. Aka after the sex.

There was silence between them. Lena was laying on her back, her body thoroughly satiated.

Kara pulled the sheet up covering herself. Lena sees out of the corner of her eye Kara moving to adjust her glasses which weren’t actually on her face. They had come off sometime after her sweater. Lena remembered that. She remembered Kara’s expression. She was fearful like Lena could ruin her. She was seen. Lena didn’t shy away though. She embraced Kara’s vulnerability in that moment and the ones that followed. 

Kara wondered when the bubble was going to pop. She was trying to ground herself for it. She thought that it was just a matter of time. Whatever it was, it was over, that’s what her mind was telling her.

Kara can feel Lena shifting on the bed. “I think I knew.”

Her eyes snap to Lena’s. Fear was threatening to block everything out.

Lena turns on her side to face Kara. “It all made too much sense.” She pauses to stretch like a cat. “I never gave much thought to the goofy things you said, _I flew here on a bus_ , amongst other things. I thought it was coincidence that you and Supergirl always visited me at different times. It all worked. It wasn’t like I was looking for it…”

“I can’t unsee it.”

Kara’s frozen in place. She has the urge to both fly the hell away and stay until this is settled with Lena. She assumes this is what Alex told her is the fight or flight. Being human was always harder than the Danvers let on.

Lena’s voice is different. Kara can detect that. “I didn’t think this was going to happen this way.”

Kara gestures between them in question.

“Yeah.”

She can’t grasp the situation. Her voice is higher than usual. “Are you mad about it?”

“No.” Lena shakes her head.

So she doesn’t regret it. Kara can check that off the list. She didn’t regret what had happened between them either. But after everything she wasn’t sure with Lena. She swore when she walked in that she hated Kara. Then she kissed her as if the world was ending and it was the last thing she wanted to do before she died.

“Was it good?” The question flies out of Kara’s mouth before she can stop it. She feels her cheeks burning. She puts an arm over her eyes wishing she could sink into the mattress and the ground swallow her up.

“Kara.”

She doesn’t want to budge. Lena reaches for Kara’s arm, removing it from her face.

Their eyes meet. There’s a question yearning to be answered in Kara’s eyes. Lena sees it. She could be dishonest and say she doesn’t know how she got there. But she was the one driving the situation. She was the one who kissed Kara. Everything happened after that. This was the woman who she loved even if she never put the words together. Kara Danvers was her hero. That couldn’t disappear into nothingness.

She’s not sure what Lena is going to say. It’s a question. “That wasn’t your first time having sex. But that was your first time having sex with a woman wasn’t it?”

Kara lets out a breath managing an affirming nod.

Lena situates herself with her back resting against the headboard. She draws her knees to her chest. She pulls a blanket off the ground and drapes it over herself. Her words are cautious. “I didn’t know.”

“That bad?”

“No. Kara, it was really good for me. I promise. You felt it too, didn’t you?”

Kara had felt that distinct something. And it was more than good. It felt right.

Before Kara says anything Lena apologizes.

“Lena, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

They look at each other. Kara doesn’t know if she’s seen the look Lena is giving her before. Maybe she could never identify it until now. There’s a light behind her eyes as she clenches her jaw. Kara hears her heart beat hammer within her chest. She makes a split decision.

Kara gets out of bed. She snatches a too big shirt that practically falls off her shoulder. She moves to her dresser grabbing plaid boxers. She steps into them. She looks to the woman in her bed who was already staring at her. “We should talk about this. With clothes on I mean.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk that was supposed to happen before the sex.  
> ___

Kara poured herself a glass of water. She drank the whole thing while standing at the counter. 

Lena ambled in wearing something altogether different and more relaxed than what she had walked into the apartment in.

Kara was just glad she was wearing clothes. It wasn’t like she felt like she could talk with her otherwise. Just laying in bed, speaking was challenging knowing she was right there. After what they had done it was different now. She actually knew what Lena looked like underneath it all. There was a point of getting out of bed.

Lena takes a seat on a stool across from Kara.

Kara deposits her empty glass in the sink. She reminds herself she was the one who initiated this conversation. She starts with what she should have said years ago. “I’m Supergirl.”

Lena doesn’t say anything.

“I was born Kara Zor-El, on the planet Krypton. My parents put me in a ship by myself when I was 12. I was the one who was supposed to take care of baby Kal. My pod got knocked off course. By the time I got here, to Earth, Kal had already become Superman.”

Kara breathes, her eyes meet Lena’s. She’s following along.

“I became Supergirl after I saved the plane Alex was on from crashing. The rest, well, you know the rest.

“I was going to be part of the science guild.”

“But you turned out to be a reporter?”

“You suggested it when we first met.”

“I remember.”

Kara continues. “I’m a reporter here. Supergirl is something that’s bigger than me.”

Lena doesn’t believe that. “You’re the one in the boots and cape Kara.”

“I was an orphan from a planet with a red sun. Earth’s yellow sun would do the same to anyone from my planet.”

She connects the dots. “The Harun-El, that was from Argo City. Your mom, she could have stayed.”

“She didn’t though.” The anger cuts through. “Her life was, is, on Argo City. I get it, she had to go back.”

“Why didn’t you go with her?”

“I found her. I was the one who came back. I made that choice. Earth is my home. I couldn’t leave Alex, James, Eliza…” Her voice peters off. “I still miss it. The place I grew up, my father. It’s different now. I don’t fit in there. Most of the time it feels like it happened to a different person.”

Lena knew that feeling. She was intimately familiar with it. Trauma had a nasty habit of twisting everything.

Lena asks the question. “Do you regret it?”

“What do you mean? Of course I regret not telling you. I kept wanting to tell you. Then stuff kept happening. You were devastated by Eve. I was going to tell you on the plane ride back from Kaznia.”

“You didn’t though.”

She agrees. “I didn’t.”

“That’s not why I asked the question.”

Kara doesn’t follow. “What do you mean?”

Lena adjusts her posture. “I mean do you regret what happened between us?”

Kara scrunches her face together. “I have never, not even for one second regretted our friendship Lena.”

She doesn’t respond. Kara detects her hurt.

Kara tries to back pedal. “I’m bad at this, like seriously really bad at this. I don’t know how to do things. Alex usually has to explain it to me and more than once. I still make stupid spelling mistakes even though I’ve been speaking English for years. I still sometimes catch myself writing in Kryptonese. I have to rip the pages from my notebook and start over again when it happens. I’ve hurt Alex before when I didn’t know my own strength. One time it happened when I did know. Just, look, I don’t know what the right thing is. I’ve never slept with someone I wasn’t dating.”

“We could you know.”

Kara’s unsure. “I thought you hated me.”

“I wanted to. I don’t want to lose another person from my life. I doubt I could afford that.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “You get that, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Kara asks again not trusting her own ears, “And you don’t hate me? I’d hate me if I were you.”

“I don’t. Like we said before. That sex was more than just sex. I felt something more. You said you felt that too. I couldn’t feel that way and hate you at the same time.”

“I hope you know I’m going to keep asking you.”

“I guess I’ll just have to keep thanking you for all the times you saved my life.”

Kara is persistent. “You would have done the same if you were in my position.”

“Kara you are the one who did all of it. You can own that.”

She shrugs. “You’re a hero too Lena. First, with disarming Cadmus. Then, the lead dispersal tool with the Daxamite invasion. You created the Harun-El for my mom and the people of Argo City. None of that would have happened if you weren’t there.”

It’s like they’ve reached a stalemate. The love and respect they have for each other far outpaces what they feel for their own selves.

“What are we going to tell people?”

“About the sex?”

Kara blushes instantly. “That’s not what I meant.”

Lena feels like a teenage girl all over again. “Do you want that with me?”

Kara looks at Lena. “I’d like to try.”

A smile stretches across Lena’s face. “It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is steeply diverging into being an AU. So, there's that. I did do some research, aka googling, to get the spellings correct. That being said if I made any mistakes feel free to let me know.  
> I don't really know where this story is going. But I do feel like the story isn't quite over yet. I'll keep working on it until then. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

They go on one date. Then another. And another. Then they stop counting.

Kara sings out the lyrics as she joins Lena on the couch back from a quick Supergirl non-alien related emergency. The remnants of their takeout littering the table in front of them. _The Producers_ is playing in the background. It had all been a part of Kara’s elaborate plan to ‘educate’ Lena about the best America had to offer. Lena wasn’t ready to tell Kara that the best part of all the musicals wasn’t Gene Kelly, but the fact that they were Kara’s favorite.

Kara says it in the stillness of night. “It was the first time I felt like I could belong here on Earth.”

Lena tries to wake herself up. She can sense that Kara needs to tell her something. Like only in the cover of the night is she getting the words out.

“I was so unbelievably lonely when I got here. Nothing made sense. Everything was too bright. And Kal, I mean Clark, he had a life of his own.”

Lena harbors a small resentment to Clark Kent. It wasn’t because of her brother. Kara only hinted at the bond she shared with Clark. There was something childlike about their relationship. Kara looked up to him like he was her big brother who could do no wrong. Lena didn’t see it like that. She saw it that Clark had forged his own life before Kara crash landed. That didn’t stop what happened when Kara had to adjust to life on Earth. The culture that she remembered it was just that, it was hers. Clark couldn’t share it. It stayed with Kara. The weight of a dead world upon her shoulders.

She connects the dots. “I knew the movies were outlandish. People don’t just break out into song. But I remember watching them, Alex would always end up watching them with me even if she said she hated musicals. In each movie a message would shine through. I guess they taught me something as dumb as that sounds.”

“It’s not.”

“I latched onto it. I watched every musical I could find. Eliza even found me movies from other countries. The look on Alex’s face was priceless when she realized I didn’t need subtitles to understand the russian movies. They’re special to me.”

Lena wishes she could smooth the worry from Kara’s features.

“I wanted to share that with you. Most people think it’s silly how much I love musicals.”

“I don’t."

“Your not most people.”

There are mere inches that separate them.

Lena kisses Kara. It matters. She tries to communicate all the things she doesn’t have the words for. Lena knows she’d pour herself dry for Kara. The thing is, Kara would never ask.

They do have to surface for air. Lena was human after all. She wants to memorize Kara’s expression. There’s wonder mixed with adoration. She looks at Lena like noting else in the world matters. Lena knows there is so much more out there in the world than just them. It would be too simple for the world to be reduced to the two of them laying in Kara’s bed. Kara had been painfully vulnerable with Lena. Lena didn’t have the words to match or meet Kara’s experiences. She could try to meet her in the middle. She wanted to be a home to the woman who had lost everything. She didn’t have to cut herself open because Kara had given Lena a piece of herself. Their relationship wasn’t a transaction.

Lena said it before she could take it back. “I love you.”

Kara whispered the words back. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter constitutes fluff.   
> It's taken me more than one try. Hope you enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

It happens on a Thursday. Game night was supposed to be started by seven. Kara had flown to get Alex’s favorite beer the day before.

Things did not go to plan. Lena should have expected that any plans would be foiled especially if it was something her or Kara had had to reschedule and reorganize one mishap after another. Lena had reckoned with the fact that her life was chaotic. The person she loved wasn’t from the same planet. She didn’t bring trouble upon herself. Rather she sought trouble out. Lena knew Kara couldn’t rest easy knowing that she could have done something more and helped just one more person. It went to the core of her being. Kara never wanted to stop.

She had to though. Even a superhero had their limits.

 

J’onn had forbidden Kara to even try to fly home. She had been laying under a sun lamp for over an hour by then. All of the blood that Lena could see was dried. Kara insisted that it wasn’t all hers. Lena didn’t want to think about that.

Alex drove them home in an oversize black DEO issued truck. Even Lena thought it was overkill.

She started suspecting it was something more when Kara took the elevator instead of the stairs. Kara leaned against the wall, letting it hold her up as she took a deep breath. Lena didn’t stare, she looked out of the corner of her eye as they got to Kara’s floor.

Kara unlocked the door to her apartment. Lena stepped inside and took off her heels. It was like taking off part of her armor. It was like when Kara took off her cape.

Kara went straight to the bathroom, shedding layers as she walked.

Lena heard the water running. The day had gotten away from them both. Night had settled in.

She plugged her phone into the charger she had put on Kara’s nightstand one of the first nights she had stayed over, all the way back when the title they shared was best friends. It was innocent just as it served as some sort of start.

After Lena put on one of Kara’s oversize shirts and her own pair of polka dot pajama pants she was surprised to realize the water in the bathroom was still going. She couldn’t help but wonder how much blood there was in the fight Kara had won. It wasn’t like Supergirl had an option of losing. It was win or else.

Lena was saying her name as she pushed the ajar bathroom door farther open. She was met with a fine layer of steam.

Her eyes found Kara sitting in her tub, her knees brought up to her chest. Her eyes were shut as the water cascaded over her.

Lena sat on the tile ground outside the ceramic tub.

She assumed Kara had sensed her presence.

The water nearly drowns her out. “That was closer than it should have been.”

Lena waits for Kara’s next words.

“I solar-flared.”

That’s why J’onn and Alex had been hovering over Kara. She tries to keep her tone calm.“Why did you wait until now to tell me?”

Kara opens her eyes and tilts her head to look at Lena. “I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Kara.”

She stumbles over her words, “I just, today, I,”

Lena saves her. “It’s okay.”

The fear fades from Kara’s eyes.

She turns off the water. “It wasn’t hot anymore.”

Lena clues her in. “Your shower never gets hot enough.”

Kara tries to laugh. “You tell me this now.”

Kara puts on fresh clothes and they get ready for bed.

They crawl into Kara’s bed and pull the cover over them.

“I hate not having my powers. I can’t hear your heartbeat.”

Kara lays on her back and stares at the ceiling. “Do you know what I was most afraid of though? When I was falling I only thought of one thing.”

Lena has a hand resting on Kara’s abdomen.

“It was you Lena.” Lena lets out a sharp breath. “I just had to get through it. I had to see you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was leave you like that. We promised no more lying no more hiding. I couldn’t bear to break that.”

She knows Kara hasn’t fallen asleep yet even though she’s exhausted.

“I’m afraid of the day I can’t come home to you. I don’t want to lose this world.”

Kara trembles. Lena pulls the other woman closer to her. It was so foreign to have the girl of steel be so pliable. There was no more fight left within her.

Lena whispers it, she can’t get her voice to be any louder, “You’re my world too Kara.”

Lena holds Kara tight to her chest. She feels Kara heart beat strong and sure. It reassures her one beat after another.


	6. Chapter 6

Kara’s solar flare lasts a total of three days nine hours and forty-three minutes.

It’s that Friday night which turns into Saturday morning. Kara is snuggled into Lena. Her breath hot against Lena’s neck.

They both took the day off. Lena can’t tell if Kara has been humoring her by staying close or if it’s simply the fact she wants to be there right next to her at her literal weakest.

She doesn’t complain. She hears Kara hum happily as she puts her fingers through her hair. It’s the gentleness that always gets to her the most. She doesn’t want to pick it apart. Not yet.

Kara’s lips are on Lena’s neck. Her nails scratch at Kara’s scalp. It only serves to urge her on.

Kara’s slow and delicate. She knows what gets to Lena the most.

By the time Lena’s practically squirming, her hips rising trying to find friction, Kara’s made it to her jaw and then her lips.

Kara’s even worked up. She takes a much needed breath.

Lena is more aroused than she wants to admit. Her cheeks are flushed. Kara is looking at her like she set the sun in the sky. “We don’t have to.”

Kara studies her searching for an answer. Her voice is thick. “I want to. I mean if you want to.”

She takes a second to take a breath before she answers. “Are you sure?”

Lena doesn’t know what Kara is or isn’t up for without her powers. It would be a level playing field for once. No super powers. No holding back. She wants it. Lena would be lying if she said she didn’t. She makes sure. She didn’t want to profit from the situation they found themselves in.

Kara’s earnest. She nods her head yes.

With Lena’s consent Kara’s back to kissing Lena. It’s different than it usually is. It’s slower, less feverish but there’s more depth. Kara is working at evoking something from Lena. She’s not holding back.

Lena tugs at Kara’s shirt. She pulls it over her head and does away with her sports bra. Kara does the same to Lena whose wearing one of her own shirts.

There is no race.

Skin to skin Kara lets out a moan that does something to Lena.

She looks at Kara whose leaving a trail of kisses down her chest then her stomach. Lena raises her hips pushing her leggings down her legs.

Kara’s not rushing. She’s lavishing in Lena.

She finds her way.Her hands are on Lena’s hips anchoring her.

Lena wonders if it’s cliche to say that this time is different from all the other times. But just as Lena thinks she’s going to come undone Kara stops. She moves up her body. Lena can taste herself on her lips.

Kara’s hands are between Lena’s legs. She takes her, there is no hesitation. Lena arches into her touch. 

She’s deliberate with each curl of her fingers, pressing into just the right spot. Lena knows she is ruined for any other person.

Kara is actually sweating for once as the pace grow quicker. She’s trying so god damn hard for Lena, with whatever she has.

Lena comes undone under Kara.

Kara’s not stopping though. It’s not until Lena tells her that she can’t possibly go again, her legs twitching, each touch amplified more than the last.

Kara’s smug.

Lena wonders how she’s going to move the next day. Her muscles are taught but it’s a delicious burn.

“That was…”

Kara tries to supply the answer. “Good?”

“Kara that was better than good.”

“Even without-“

“That was unfucking believable. You do know that I’m going to be returning the favor once I can adequately feel my legs.”

Kara is stroking her sides. Her expression is soft. Lena thinks she looks peaceful. 

Lena doesn’t that night. Kara had said she’d rather cuddle more than anything else. She wanted to be next to Lena. Be with her.

Lena doesn’t push. She thanks Kara when she gets up and gets a drink for them both.

Lena holds Kara. Her front against Kara’s back. Kara reaches for Lena’s hand.

Kara thinks that if perfection existed it would be that very moment.


	7. Chapter 7

Lena’s alone. That’s what she thinks to herself. She’s falling. It’s been seconds now she gives up to what has to be terminal velocity. This would be how she goes. She squeezes her eyes shut. It could have been any number of people going after her. The list only grew longer. Luthors always had enemies. She had learned that again and again. After everything Lena assumes this is her fate.

Strong arms find her. She’s not falling. Her speed is suddenly static.

Lena hears the words whispered in her ear. “I’ve got you.”

She presses her self into Kara’s suit, her face against the crest of El. Her knuckles are white. She thinks she used all the adrenaline her body could muster for god knows how long.

It had been too close. Lena knows that. With Kara in her life it meant she had someone to live for. She couldn’t say it aloud. How she filled her life in between the lines. For so long Lena was one person. A genius, yes, one of the worlds youngest CEO’s of a Fortune 500 company, yes, an orphan always forced into a life she didn’t recognize as her own, yes. There was more now. In Kara’s arms she’s mad at herself. Tonight was nearly the end. Death would have been a full stop. She knows it. She feels it.

Kara touches down, the harsh lights indicate that they didn’t go to one of their apartments, they are at the one and only National City DEO.

Before anyone gets to them Kara asks, “Can you stand?”

Lena doesn’t trust her legs. The night feels like a blur. She knows she’s not quite in her body at the moment. Her therapist would tell her she was dissociating, trying to put space between her and her trauma.

She does manage to nod before Alex, J’onn and a host of other DEO agents clad in black are about them. Alex has the look in her eye normally reserved for Kara when she decides to go rogue and play the hero without proper assistance. J’onn has a nervous glint in his eyes keeping his arms crossed over his chest. Kara has an arm around her. She leans against her reveling in her warmth.

Lips are moving. She feels Kara talking.

There’s an argument, it’s not cadmus. If it’s not cadmus it has to be some new sort of threat. It always has to be something.

They find themselves in a med bay, Kara refuses to leave Lena’s side as Alex runs a battery of tests. It’s like the other day when Kara solar-flared except now Lena is the one in bed capturing everyone’s attention whether she wants it or not.

She puts thoughts together. It wasn’t a joke anymore regarding the quarterly assassination attempts. Brainy comes into the room, tiny boxes failing him. “Lena Luthor never do that again.”

She tries to sit up in bed. With one finger he pushes her three inches back down into the med bay bed. “You have too many things left to accomplish. Lena the world needs you far more than you know.”

Kara tries to angle herself in front of him. His words crash about in her brain. She stares at him, his image inducer flickering. “What?”

“I’m not at liberty to say, we both know of the multiverse theory and the threat of alternate timelines. But you can’t go and get yourself thrown off a building or out of a plane destined for a fiery crash. You Lena Luthor are a legend. Lives depend on you.”

Her voice is hoarse. “Excuse me?”

Kara is staring at Brainy so hard, Alex hopes she doesn’t accidentally trigger her laser vision. Brainy backs down. He walks to the other side of the bed. His hand rests on her shoulder. He tries again. “You are my friend and I don’t want to lose you.”

Alex nods in the background.

Lena knows she’s going to cry. She curses herself. Everyone is so god damn strong and what is she?

The tears come and no matter how much she wipes away at them more fall. The stray DEO agents leave the room.

Kara holds her hand. “Alex, are we done here?”

She checks one last monitor before looking to them. “All your tests are fine. But if anything changes you call me right away.”

Lena agrees.

Alex gently detaches Lena from the monitors which J’onn turns off before they make more errant sounds.

Kara helps her to her feet. Everyone looks at each other, no one dares to say how close Lena truly was to her death.

Kara waits for permission before sweeping Lena up. She’s flying out of the DEO, fresh air is against them.

They end at Kara’s place. Kara doesn’t turn on any lights. Lena sits in her bed as Kara super speeds to get her water. Then it’s a hot damp wash cloth gently wiping her face. She grabs a college shirt for Lena knowing that its her favorite, she always reaches for it first.

Lena feels the world closing in on her. It’ll come tomorrow, the aftershocks. There are always consequences. That’s tomorrow though, that’s what she says to herself.

Kara is no longer in her suit. The cape is tucked away.

It’s Kara there with Lena. Bravado is set aside. Kara holds Lena, clutching her really. Lena knows tears are falling onto Kara’s pillow. She’s not aware if she’s crying or not. All she feels is tired and scared. She’s afraid to close her eyes and feel the wind whip past her, helpless against gravity. It was Kara who saved her.

She hears Kara’s words before she falls off the edge into unconsciousness. “I can’t lose you too Lena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write something soft somehow it became this. Lena can be loose with her life (like Kara) but those who love her can't stand to see her be in harmful situations.  
> There will be consequences surely. But that's for next chapter. Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

They’re inches apart when Lena wakes up. Kara is watching her, but its closer to studying. Lena wonders with the parts of herself that are awake if Kara’s trying to memorize the moment.

Her voice is soft. “Hey.”

“Morning.”

They lay like that for a few minutes. There’s a gentleness to it. When they are in bed together the world is undisturbed. Once they get up the illusion is destroyed as the rest of their lives come into play.

“You know I love you.”

Lena squishes her face into the pillow. Kara’s eyes are trained on her. “I do.”

“I love you too Kara.”

Kara’s hand finds Lena’s side. She’s working on the words.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Kara, I’m fine.”

She tries not to berate her. “I broke a sound barrier last night.” She closes her eyes. “You mean a lot to me. That doesn’t even cover it. Look it’s not a choice for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I will always save you. I’d break myself trying to save you, on any world. I’ve had to make decisions in the past. I’ve said good-bye to too many people. I don’t know who I’d be if you suddenly weren’t in my life.”

“Kara.”

“I choose you. Every time.”

She promises. “I’ll be more careful.”

“Bad stuff happens.” She left out the words: especially to us. That was proven to be true.

“Have I ever told you how brave I thought you were the night we got together?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were fearless. I knew you were so furious with me. But all of a sudden you were kissing me like you were trying to give me something that you couldn’t say. It scared me how I felt for you.

“You told me to trust you. I do. Nothing can change that. Can you trust me when I say I care about you?”

Lena says yes.

“I’ve been reckless with my own life. For years and years I wondered why I even got a second chance at this life. I was stuck in the phantom zone and then I got here and everything was impossibly bright and loud. I didn’t want it and everything chafed me the wrong way.

“I know what it feels like to be lost. I don’t want you to feel that way with me.”

“I don’t.”

“Can you promise me to put yourself at least one more step first? Alex nearly punched me the first time I used my powers as an adult. It scared her not because she was jealous but because she loved me. It took me a while to understand where she was coming from. We only get so many second chances. I don’t want us to waste what we have.”

Lena feels miles away from sleep. Kara’s speaking from her heart. She doesn’t know how long she’s been awake mulling over her words.

“I don’t want to be dumb or possessive. I just want to tell you how I feel.”

“I’m glad you’re talking to me about it.” Her words buy her a second. “There was a time I put myself in bad situations cause I never felt like I was worth it. It’s not something I look back fondly of. I try not to think of it honestly.”

“Lena.”

“Kara, I get it. I don’t know what it feels like to be a superhero. But I do know what it feels like to love one.”

Kara doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t know what comes next.

“I will try. And Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want this to end either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this counts more as a half chapter than it does a full chapter.  
> I've been mulling over some stuff in my mind. I don't quite know how to write a relationship (it's not like I have experience to base it off of). But I do know that these two characters can be there for each other in a way that's so uniquely lovely to just them.  
> I'll keep at it.  
> Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Weeks go past. Kara wonders if it’s the calm before the storm or if they’re merely in the prolonged eye of the hurricane. Part of her is waiting for it, whatever it is. She thinks that what she has with Lena is too good. That there has to be something in the universe against her that will come and steal it all away from her. She wonders when the next test is going to be pressed upon her.

 

Eliza makes a surprise visit to National City. Alex uses her key that morning going into Kara’s apartment. She shouts from a room over, “Wake up and please for the love of god be wearing clothes.”

Lena groans begrudgingly into her pillow. Kara all but shoots up from her bed.

Alex stands in the doorway more than a bit proud of herself. Her hands are in the pockets of her leather jacket. She has a smug smile.

“We’re meeting mom at Noonan’s in twenty minutes. She wanted to come to your apartment butshe hit some traffic on the way in.”

Kara thumbs through the clothes hanging in her closet. “You knew about this?”

The answer was yes.

Kara superspeeds through her morning routine. Lena is envious of her girlfriend. She’s met Eliza before. But she hasn’t met her as Kara’s girlfriend. She was not prepared. She didn’t even remember what clothes she had at Kara’s that she would feel adequate presenting herself in.

Alex’s sixth sense kicked in as she looked between them and told them that she would be waiting in the kitchen.

It wasn’t that Lena didn’t want to see Eliza. She didn’t know if she was ready. She wanted to be perfect for Kara’s adoptive mother even if she knew that perfect didn’t exist.

Kara sat down on the bed next to Lena.

Lena’s voice comes out smaller than she would have liked. “I’ve never met someone’s parent like this.”

Kara’s brow furrows. “You’re great though. I bet every parent would love you?”

“Not even my own mother seeks me out.”

Kara puts her arm around her. “I love you and Eliza will too.”

Lena wants to believe Kara more than the track that’s looping in her brain which warns her of all her shortcomings.

“You’ve already met her before.”

Lena tries to get herself pumped like the routine she does before she addresses a board meeting. It feels false comparatively for the situation.

Kara comes at it from a different angle. “You did mention that you read a science paper she was listed as second author on two weeks ago. Think about it as an opportunity to ask her about it.”

“Kara.”

“She loves talking about that stuff. It’s a great way for you guys to connect.”

Lena starts to put together an outfit. She’s in the bathroom and Kara’s in the doorway. “Are you sure?”

“I am. I do have to share you after all.”

Lena chuckles. She wonders what she did to deserve Kara Danvers.

 

Even though Alex had known Eliza was coming Eliza was unsuccessful at hiding her own surprise to see Lena hand in hand with Kara. She recovered quickly. Lena had thought it was admirable. She had strong doubt she would have ever even gotten that much from Lillian.

Kara was right yet again when she told Lena to engage with Eliza about her research. Kara could have sworn she had not seen Eliza be so impassioned in years.

They were walking through National City Park when Kara got an emergency supergirl call and Alex had to go to the DEO. They had both stated that they should come. They wanted to be involved. Alex and Kara didn’t let them. It left them together in the park with ducks waddling across the path in front of them.

Lena felt unsure again without the buffer of either Danvers sister. She liked Eliza. She knew how much Kara deeply respected her. She gave her the credit of raising her here on Earth. That praise wasn’t cheap.

“Kara has been mentioning you when she and I have spoken on the phone.”

Lena nods along.

“I didn’t know that you two were together.”

She’s not delicate nor does she dance around it.

Lena wonders what she thinks about both of her daughters seeing women. If it was Lillian she bet she’d ask what she’d done wrong. She doubts Eliza was spiteful enough to think that way. She hopes so at least.

“Kara’s been happier lately. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to come today. I had been wondering if she had met someone new.”

Lena still hasn’t said anything. It’s not like Eliza has directed a question to her to answer since Alex and Kara fled the scene.

“I never understood what Kara was looking for in the people she dated. I know there was James. Alex has told me that it seemed like every male she works with proclaims there feelings for her at some time. I didn’t know if that was what Kara wanted at the end of the day or if it was something she wanted to acclimate herself to. I know it’s different from Krypton. She seems settled in a way I never thought I’d see.

“I think I have you to thank for that.”

“Me?”

“Kara has this rare talent of always seeing the good in people. But she doesn’t extend that to herself.”

“You’re shining that light for her.”

It comes out as a question. “Thank you?”

Eliza glances at Lena. “It’s a compliment. Kara doesn’t let people in. When she arrived she protected herself that way. She built up walls around herself. She was always kind and willing to help. But she never said exactly what was on her mind. She swallowed it down. How relaxed I saw her at breakfast was a miracle. I know things haven’t been easy and there are always emergencies cropping up. But when Kara smiled it wasn’t her trying to be happy it was her actually being happy. As a mom that’s the most I could ask for.”

Tears pool in Lena’s eyes. Before she comes up with a response Kara lands behind a tree emerging in her street clothes she had dressed in that morning. She looks nervously between Lena and Eliza.

“It’s okay.”

Kara’s eyes settle on Lena.

“We’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to think I'm not writing in any conflict. But maybe I just want these characters to have something soft. They do have the world to save after all.   
> It's soft. I'm soft. And I want Kara and Lena to have that too.


	10. Chapter 10

Kara had given her fair warning that morning that she’d be off the grid. Lena remembered her explaining it a few days before. Snapper had let her take the lead on an assignment. He couldn’t deny Kara’s talent after her work uncovering the president and Lex Luthor’s power play. Her passion didn’t ebb nor did it have an off switch. When she was there she was there.

Lena reminded herself of that at 6:13pm when she left her own office without a single message from Kara throughout the day. The quiet was strange. To think she had been so settled in it when she moved to National City. Now it felt foreign. It felt rough to her like scratchy wool on a long sleeve shirt. It was always there in your closet and some days it was worn and it was warm but it wasn’t soft. It required attention no matter how small.

It was 7:43pm when Lena found herself at the DEO. She was bored and antsy to do something. She figured there had to be some project she could help on. She had a feeling Alex would be there anyway. A lab called out to her.

She found Alex.

“Lena?”

“Hey.”

Alex was still staring at her a bit stupefied.

“Am I missing something?”

Agent Vasquez and Karen from HR walked past them.

Alex came back to herself. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Well I am.”

“I didn’t mean to be rude. I just figured you’d be with Kara.”

“I haven’t seen Kara all day.”

“Yesterday she told me she had dinner plans set up for you guys tonight.”

“That’s news to me. I haven’t heard from her all day.”

Alex looks her up and down. “What am I missing?”

“I was going to ask you the same question.”

The monitors behind them blare to life.

“That has to be her.”

 

It was. It is.

J’onn involves himself. He’s soaring into the stratosphere scrambling to get a hold of the situation.

Lena reminds herself that this is how situations with Kara as Supergirl go. Things have to get out of hand before they get resolved. She thought it should be carved into a stone somewhere.

The pair make it back to National City. They crash land at the DEO parapet. It could be theatrical if Lena was in a better mood. She doesn’t’ know whether to be angry or scared first.

She scans Kara’s face first. She doesn’t find a trace of blood. Her hair is windswept but that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

Alex is reprimanding her when she cuts her off. “I was following a lead that went awry. Can we drop it Alex?”

“Fine.”

J’onn is skeptical of Kara. He doesn’t say anything but something in his face is more strained than normal Lena knows he can read her thoughts. He could also say whatever it was that was bothering him. It worked both ways. She filed it away for another time.

They leave the DEO. Lena lets Kara fly them back to Kara’s apartment. It’s quicker. Lena doesn’t know what is bothering Kara the most. She hasn’t told her yet. She’s not a mindreader. Nor does she know what Alex was alluding too before the alarms reminded them that whatever could go wrong would go wrong.

Kara doesn’t wait to change out of her suit. She feels restrained by it tonight.

Lena is not so quick. She’s waiting for whatever it is that’s eating away at Kara.

When she comes back to the living room she sees placemats, to go containers from her favorite french restaurant in Nice and a single lit candle.

“You did all of this?”

Kara shrugs.

“I thought you were on a work project all day today?”

“I was for most of it. I had some other things to do too.”

They sit on the couch. Kara puts together a plate for Lena before herself.

“Important like what?”

“It’s our anniversary.”

Lena chokes on her food for a second. She recovers hastily. “I thought…”

Kara’s blushing. “We got together six months ago.”

“I thought we were basing things off of our first date.”

“Rao. I always mess stuff like this up.”

“Kara you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who forgot.”

“I guess I could have asked you about it. I consider that night where everything that happened the first night. We crossed that threshold, you know?”

Lena thought back to that night. Kara was right.

Her voice is small. “I wanted to do something special.”

“Hey, look at me for a second Kara.”

Kara looks forlorn and exhausted. Lena feels bad. Her heart aches for her girlfriend. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t forget I just didn’t know.

“It matters to me. I didn’t know if anniversaries were something you wanted to celebrate.”

“It’s a milestone.”

“Okay.”

“You know that night when we got together you asked me to trust you. Do you remember that?”

“Of course.”

“You asked me to trust you. And I did. I do. I was petrified of what happens when I was no longer just Kara Danvers to you. You looked at me and I had never seen that expression on your face.

“Then you kissed me. You gave me a piece of yourself without hesitation. You would have poured yourself dry. I’m just a person Lena. Hell, I’m not even human.”

“You are to me.”

“Some days I don’t know what it is you see.”

Lena’s hand gently cups Kara’s chin. The pain is so apparent in Kara’s eyes. She doesn’t know how long she’s been holding onto it.

“I love you Kara. I loved you that night before everything happened. I didn’t know how to say it. I was afraid.”

Kara tries to lighten the mood. “You, Lena Luthor, were afraid?”

She remains serious. “Kara you know I’m afraid all the time.”

“I think we all are. If someone says they’re not they’re lying to themselves.”

“Or they’re a sociopath.”

“Or that.”

“In all seriousness I didn’t know what to expect when I came here six months ago. It wasn’t what happened. I don’t regret it, not for a second.”

Kara asks. “Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

 

They finish the meal. Lena doesn’t know how to thank Kara without ripping the bandaid of the day off. There’s more to figure out.

She kisses Kara when they get into bed. It’s not the same as six months ago. Lena knows they’ll wake up together. They’ll stand against the world if needed without question. She knows Kara has doubts. So she kisses her. She tries to have Kara feel it, what she feels for her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knows what this is? Not me. I couldn't get this out of my head so naturally I wrote about it instead.

“You know I loved you before too.”

Lena isn’t sure she’s heard her correctly.

Kara has that look in her eye. Lena knows enough to pause and wait for whatever Kara said next. She was working up the courage to say it whatever it was.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t have to try when I was around you. You let me be myself. You didn’t have any expectations other than for me to be your friend.

“I remember when we first met. I was so taken by you. Then you let me in, again and again.

“Winn used to make fun of me for caring too much. Anything I do, I do with passion. Maybe I feel like I have something to prove or its just part of who I am. The last thing I wanted to do was put you in a situation which jeopardized you.

“I care more than I can say.” She’s trying not to cry. “I would have loved you even if you told me you hated me. I can’t change things.

“You told me to trust you. I did. I do now.”

“Kara.”

She’s not ready for Lena’s tenderness.

She keeps going. Kara is afraid that if she stops she won’t be able to start again and get the words out. “What I should have said the other night was that sex for me is different. It’s not just something I do. I don’t know how to explain it so that it makes sense. But to me taking off clothes isn’t simple. It means something more. To me it has to.

“It’s not something that I take lightly.”

Lena tries to connect the dots.

“I know it’s different for everyone. Don’t get me wrong I’m sex positive. Just for me, I, it’s not something I take lightly.”

Lena makes sure Kara is finished. “Can I say something?”

Kara nods.

“I guess I didn’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t ask. That’s on me. I never thought about it.” She thinks through the physical parts of their relationship. “Is that why most of the time when I ask how I can take care of you, you ask for me to hold you?”

To Kara’s own ears it sounds weak. What would people think of the girl of steel if they heard that?

She manages to say yes.

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed Kara. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.”

“I just, I know that I’m different.”

“That’s not a bad thing. It’s far from it.”

“Really?”

She’s thrown when Lena answers her question with another question. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.” 

“I want to take care of you. I love you and I mean all of you. Neither of us have to hide after everything. I just need you to tell me.

“It’s why the six month thing was a big deal, wasn’t it?”

Kara doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Lena you don’t have to apologize.”

“I want to.” She does. They weren’t communicating on the same wave length. Lena would always fight for it. “So you know sex isn’t a deal breaker for me.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it.” Kara tries again. “I like making you feel good. That’s the best part for me.”

Lena thought about how Kara was a giver. She was supergirl. There was no hero without Kara Danvers.

Kara intrudes on Lena’s thought. “You make me feel good. I don’t want you to doubt yourself. Just for me, what I need the emotional stuff, how we connect that comes first.

“You see me. I’m trying not to shy away from that. I love you. You know that.”

Lena pulls Kara in for a hug. She feels her girlfriend sink into her touch. She tells her and herself, “I’m not going anywhere.”


	12. Chapter 12

They go to Metropolis for a long weekend.

Lena is obligated to go to a meal with Clark Kent and Lois Lane. She’s afraid Kara’s shaking knee is going to drill a hole in the ground at the outdoor cafe they sit at.

She feels Kara performing for Clark. She gives him credit that he didn’t say anything as they met as adults. It wasn’t the first time. Again it wasn’t her he was interested in. Before it was Lex. Now it was Kara. She assumes Kara must have tipped him off. She only catches small furtive glances in her direction.

Lois is like a breath of fresh air. She gives Kara the credit she deserves for her articles specifically her Pulitzer prize winning piece. Lena pointed out that the only two with that accolade at the table where not her and Kara. That scored an extra five points in Lena’s book.

Lois was easy to get along with. Maybe it was because there were no strings attached. There wasn’t some sort of history weighing in the background. Lena was thankful that she was there. It’s not a feeling Lena thought she’d ever have for Lois. She was used to the pointed questions being directed at her. It was proof that it could be different.

Kara only lets herself breathe when they walk the opposite way of Clark and Lois. Lena would swear that the Kryptonian looked winded.

They make it back to one of Lena’s residential buildings owned under the L-Corp umbrella. She had never gotten rid of her penthouse apartment. But that too had its own baggage. It would remind her of Lex. This wasn’t about him. She had made her amends she reminded herself of that again and again. Her therapist had told her that there was no shame in that repetition. Hopefully one day she wouldn’t have to say it and fight herself to believe it.

Kara stands at the window looking out.

Lena pours herself something to drink. Kara’s voice reaches her. “I think that went well.”

“I’d say so.”

“It’s different with Kal, I mean Clark.” She puts her hands on her hips. Kara’s trying to infuse herself with the courage and strength she exudes when she wears her cape and stands in that exact position. She is fighting an internal battle. “We’re the last. He doesn’t remember a home with a red sun. Why would he? He’s more American than Kryptonian. Other than the blood that runs through our veins some days I forget that we are related.”

Lena looks out the windows with Kara. There’s a park on the corner that they can see.

“When he visits it always makes Alex annoyed. If she gets pissed off enough she reminds me that he choose to leave me with the Danvers.”

Her voice is filled with care. “Kara.”

“She’s not wrong.” Her hands drop to her side. “Clark is good at everything he tries. It’s impossible to measure up against him.”

“Says the woman who won a Pulitzer this year.”

Her eyes remain dim. The tips of her ears are red.

“I’d pick you over him every day. It’s a promise. It requires no thought.”

There are tears in Kara’s eyes. She hastily swipes them away.

Lena rests a hand on her shoulder.

“I know it shouldn’t matter. It’s so pointless to chase after the people who chose to leave. Part of me can’t help it. You know he found me in my pod when I came to Earth?”

“You mentioned that.”

“I was so alone. I was stranded in the phantom zone for literal years. I come here and this man is capable of opening my pod. Our crest, the embodiment of my family was on his chest. I can’t explain what it felt like when I recognized that.

“That hope left me faster than I knew was possible when I opened my mouth and started speaking to him. Clark didn’t really understand. I was speaking too fast for him. His words were rusty and clumsy. He didn’t hit the vowels right. I could tell he didn’t know the same language that I had grown up with. It was what I had spoken at home each day. What was coming from his lips was wrong.

“He reached out to me. I didn’t even realize that he was my baby cousin. I used to wonder if I had a choice. Here was this man with my families crest upon his chest. What was I supposed to do?

“I see him like that sometimes in my dream. He was supposed to save me. It was my responsibility to take care of him but he had already grown up. It took me years to understand that the people who truly saved me were the Danvers. It wasn’t Clark. He’s blood but he’s not the family not in the same way Alex is my sister and Eliza is my mom.”

Kara was trembling.

Lena wanted to call Alex. She thought that she must have been through this handful of times before. She was after all the expert in everything when it came to Kara. But it was her there with Kara. No one else.

She stood there with Kara. Lena didn’t go anywhere. Her feet were tired after walking around in heels all day. Her glass had been empty for god knows how long. But she stays there with Kara. It is the place to be. She knows that. So that’s what she does.

 

Later after a shared hot bath they’re laying down in the king bed. A tv is droning on in the background. Kara can hear the traffic on the street. If she listens she can hear the people at the park including the man selling hot chocolate next to the hot dog vendor.

Lena shifts beside her. She turns off the tv. She sets an alarm on her phone for the following morning. Kara would be awake before then. She needed less sleep than Lena. The yellow sun rejuvenated her faster. Sleep was a requirement but her body woke her up after six hours unless she was in a solar flare situation. She functioned as her own alarm clock. Even though she almost missed a final during college due to a solar flare on the part of Earth’s sun. She took a random nap and if it wasn’t for her anxiety she would have all together missed her statistics final. It was easy but she still had had to show up in order to take the test and get the credit.

Kara tucks a stray lock of hair behind Lena’s hair. It had spilled from her braid. “I’m sorry if today was heavy.”

“It’s okay Kara.”

“This was supposed to be a vacation.”

Lena rolls onto her side. Kara’s hand cups her cheek. Her thumb is rubbing small circles on her cheek.

There’s adoration in Kara’s eyes when Lena looks into her face. She loves this woman.

There’s no erasing today. Clark Kent will still be there come the morning. But the whole point of the weekend was for them to spend time together, no work or DEO emergencies.

Kara has her ankle hooked over Lena’s bare calf. Kara’s wearing a pair of her fuzzy socks she reserved for the days the world felt too loud.

They’re kissing.

Lena’s on her back, Kara is hovering over her, her weight resting on her forearms. “I love you.”

A blush starts from Lena’s chest.

Their bodies lay flush against each other. It’s too much but not enough all at the same time.

Lena is scratching at Kara’s back. She doesn’t swallow the sounds Kara evokes from her.

Kara does that thing with her tongue which sends her flying out. She’s there with her the whole time.

When her brain regains functionality she swears the orgasms are only getting better. Kara knows how to stretch them out making them last like a long wave coming to shore.Lena rides them out all the way even then her body has aftershocks or Kara pulls her in and before she knows it another orgasm is coming over her. Kara is a professional when it comes to Lena’s body.

Kara’s wearing more articles of clothing than her as they kiss languidly. There’s no rush. Lena’s hands linger on Kara’s sides. She’ll never be over Kara, her mind or her body.

Lena is resting against Kara. She nips at Kara’s ear and she practically jolts. She laughs.

Lena surprises herself sometimes about the reactions she can evoke from Kara. She knows there’s so much she still doesn’t know.

“Do you want to stop?”

Kara words are hot against her ear. “No.”

Lena knows for Kara it’s not a race. Sex isn’t something Kara jumps into when it comes to Lena reciprocating. It’s about how it feels. Skin against skin. The weight of Lena’s body against hers. Kara felt it all. They had to grow to it together.

When Lena gets Kara’s night shirt off and they’re laying chest to chest Kara lets out a moan.

“You like that huh?”

Kara nods frantically.

Lena pushes her own hips against Kara’s waist. She feels Kara’s legs around her pulling her even closer.

It’s a few minutes of heavy grinding before Lena positions them so that she has a hand dipping under the waist band of Kara’s boy shorts.

She asks. “Is this okay?”

Kara answers with an enthusiastic yes.

Lena’s fingers are met with Kara’s wet heat. She was ready for this.

Her thumb circled her clit. She’s slow. She wants Kara to feel it.

Kara’s eyes are closed.

“We still okay?”

She opens her eyes. “Yeah. Yes this feels good.”

Lena doesn’t stop. “How many?”

Her hand goes lower. She waits for Kara’s response.

Kara’s voice is raspy. “Two.”

Two fingers enter her.

They build a steady pace. Lena sliding her fingers, in, out, finding that spot which Kara didn’t know she had before she met Lena.

Lena is rocking against her.

Kara’s voice comes out. “Add another.”

She does. She’s filling Kara.

It’s quicker now. Kara’s breaths are coming rapidly. Lena kisses her and its sloppy as her hand fucks her. Kara comes undone at the seam. She holds Lena against her. Lena’s fingers are still inside her. She doesn’t pull out just yet.

She’s trying to read Kara’s body. It’s blissfully good.

Kara lets her know.

It’s better than good. Kara gets Lena off once more before they both call it for the night. Sleep finds them both easily. It had been a day. But Lena is proud of Kara. Kara is glad Lena is there with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer chapter which hopefully (fingers crossed) is okay.  
> If you want to know what song I think of (and often write to) for Lena and Kara give Sirens by Daniel Ahearn & the Jones a listen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkfhElCDmDs). It paints a picture just like they do.  
> Until next time. Thanks for reading! I appreciate you.


	13. Chapter 13

Some days Lena Luthor was tired of being Lena Luthor. She was a lot of things. Successful. Rich. Smart. But it rarely felt as if it added up to make herself feel whole.

Most days she pushed it down. She compartmentalized it. There were boxes to be opened at a later time, with her privacy in tact. Today was one of those days. The ones where the things that could go wrong did go wrong. It wasn’t the end of the world. She knew what those looked like. Somehow she wondered if that would be easier to deal with versus the mundane average life of a person. Because Lena Luthor knew what to do when the shit hit the fan. It was the moments of silence that tried her the most. When it was just her. That was when the quiet got to Lena Luthor.

She had come back early. She was off of her game. Lena doubted she was even on target. She was making mistakes. Small ones which added up to something bigger. She kept count. How could she not?

Lena had tried to explain it Kara weeks prior. She told Kara that she was her own biggest critic. She had the voices of her mother and her brother in her head. Every time she succeeded they told her that it was only for so long. There was always someone out there who was better than her. There was someone who wanted to take her down, even if it was them. Lena had learned that and lived it ever since she became a Luthor. It might as well be part of her DNA.

Kara comes home to Lena wrapped up in a blanket on her couch the tv on mute. Lena was trying to make herself small. Her knees were to her chest. The screen playing out before her.

This wasn’t the first time Kara saw Lena on her worst days. What it was was the first time Lena came to Kara’s rather than her own apartment. Something about Kara’s place was more home than any real estate that bore her name as owner.

Kara moved in between the table and the couch. She sat down, brushing the hair away from Lena’s eyes. She wasn’t fully there. Kara recognized that.

The hardest part for Lena wasn’t the breaking down. That she was familiar with even though she hated it all the same. It was being vulnerable in front of Kara. It wasn’t that Kara was going to judge her. It was that Kara was going to see her. There was nothing to hide behind. It was just her, her and her damaged soul, the person she was on display.

Kara didn’t mention it the next day or ever for that matter. It made Lena come back. The next day wouldn’t be the same as today. It would get better. But for now she wanted to lay on the couch in a blanket that smelled like Kara. Her girlfriend was now. She let herself be taken care of. It wasn’t easy and there were the voices that told her that being weak was the true ends. She turned the volume down just as she had for the tv.

She could take today.

Kara was with her. She cradled Lena against her. She would be her space heater. Her girlfriend. Her friend. Whatever she could be she wanted to be for her.

Lena accepted it. Today she let her cracks show. Kara poured her love in.

Today was one day. Tomorrow would be different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a little longer than normal since I added something. This chapter isn't even long so my apologies for that.   
> I wanted to put this up even if it is meager. After the trailer I cause use some soft love. So I wrote it instead.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's a quote for this chapter it's this gem from Gayle Forman,  
> "It is an act of bravery to feel your feelings."

Alex finds her at her office. She doesn’t know if she’s coming as Kara’s sister or as a representative of the DEO.

She mentions something about Kara’s Earth birthday. It’s evident that she’s trying to be nonchalant about it. But her act of trying not to make it a big deal signals that it is in fact a big deal.

“So you’re saying…”

Alex sits down in one of the chairs across from Lena.

“It’s usually just Kara and I.”

“But you’re inviting me?”

She’s blunt. “Yes.”

Lena is waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath her.

Alex opens her body posture up. Her arms uncross. She tries to be more relaxed. She doesn’t know what she’s doing either. “Kara normally likes being alone. You can guess its not a normal birthday. It’s not the real day she came to earth. We decided it when I was seventeen. I thought it would be easier if there was a day each year with the function of representing Kara having spent another three hundred sixty five days on Earth. She agreed to it. We’ve been doing it every year ever since.”

Lena sees a bit of Kara in Alex. She’s familiar with that timid yet trying expression on her face.

“Do I need to bring anything?”

Alex shakes her head no in response.

“Is there something I should know?”

She bites her lip before making a decision. “Earth birthdays aren’t easy days for Kara.”

Lena swallows her comment. She doesn’t see a day when an earth birthday would be easy for Kara. It represented the loss of her people, her entire world. She wasn’t going to get the years she lost in the phantom zone back. It all brought her here, to the present with baggage in hand.

“Name the time and place I will be there.”

Alex takes a breath before getting up. She lingers in the doorway. Her eyes find Lena. “It means a lot that you’re there for Kara. She’s my sister.”

Alex walks out of her office without a second glance. She’s smooth. Lena admires her for that. She can guess what lurks under the surface. Alex Danvers had mighty demons. Yet she put one foot in front of the other. Lena admired her for that. Alex Danvers backed down for no one. She stood in front of supergirl without thought or hesitation. There wasn’t one word that fit Alex Danvers raw heroism.

 

Kara’s earth birthday concludes.

Kara is different with Alex than she is with everyone else. Lena detects that at the start of the day. Sure there have been more times than she can count when she’s spent time with them both. But this day there’s a weight upon Kara’s shoulders. It’s not just earth’s gravity. It’s the smile she tries to put on when Alex brings her her favorite pastries from noonan’s. There’s the sound that comes from her throat when she tries to laugh. It sounds strangled. Her emotions seep through the walls she’s attempted to fabricate for herself.

It’s heart breaking.

Alex had given her an option when she had come to her office. Lena could have said no to earth birthday. She could have let it be a day for just the Danvers sisters. But Alex had brought her in to the folds in her own way.

Kara was many things. She had more than one name. Lena wondered if this version of Kara was her most true self when she was with Alex. She wasn’t hiding. It wasn’t about the glasses or the fact that the yellow sun enabled Kara to fly. Today was a day that pushed Kara’s tragedy front and center. This was a woman who lost everything. Lena had her own experiences with being adopted. Kara had another. Years earlier, a past Lena would have been jealous and envious of what Kara and Alex have. But the present Lena she’s in awe of these two women. They know each other. That doesn’t cover it. It’s a start of sorts.

Kara mentions it when the sun is down. Her powers own away. “Alex let me believe that J’onn was the one who killed my aunt.

“J’onn had made this excuse that it was easier for me to hate him rather than hate Alex. He wasn’t wrong.”

“What happened?”

Lena knows that matters are resolved. Alex and Kara acted like siblings who loved each other whatever had happened between them.

“J’onn had told her that he would take the heat from me. He posed the question, what would happen if supergirls hero betrayed her who would she believe in then? He made the argument that as a super I had to have hope in someone. I had placed it all within Alex.”

“You still do though don’t you?”

“I can’t put that all on one person.”

“But Alex-“

Her voice is strong. “Alex is one person who deserves the best that life can give.”

“That includes you Kara.”

“My life complicates hers.”

“That’s not true.”

“Do you know it wasn’t until two and a half years ago that Alex started to come out?”

“What?”

“She didn’t find that out about herself until then. Me crash landing skewed her entire life.”

“That’s a hasty comparison.”

“I wish it was easier for her.” She sighs. “She deserves the best things in life.”

“You count in that.”

“Maybe. Part of me always wonders what her life would look like if my pod had stayed in the phantom zone.”

There’s a wealth of pain being cracked open.

Kara Danvers kept it all trapped inside until moments like this. Lena didn’t know what else she kept inside assuming full responsibility as if it all came back to her.

“She loves you.”

“I love her.”

Lena tries again. “You make her life more rich by being in it. It’s the same for all of us.”

Kara doesn’t put up a verbal counter argument.

“Family is complicated Kara.”

She agrees. “There aren’t many people like Alex out there.”

“There’s only one Kara Danvers in this universe.”

There’s the multiverse. They aren’t the only Earth in existence. But Kara leaves it that it can just be the two of them there in her bed. They can have this. After the day Kara has endured, filled with mourning and the constant reminder that she was another second removed from her childhood and her entire life on Krypton.

Lena tries to leave it at this. “Thank you for letting me be there for you.”

Kara’s eyebrows come together. She has an expression filled with consternation. It reminds Lena of the look Alex had when she invited Lena along for Kara’s earth birthday in the first place. “Thank you for being here.”

It’s that. It’s two people trying for the other. There’s a million other things that could be said or done. But there are choices that got them there to that moment. They are together. Through it all. Kara was not from earth. But Lena thought of her as her favorite person. Kara Danvers was many things. She wasn’t perfect. No one could be. But Lena loved her flaws and all. It made her somehow more beautiful. Lena didn’t tell her that. It wasn’t praise she could hear without refuting. But she saw it even in the dim light of Kara’s bedroom. This woman, Kara Danvers, she loved more than she knew she could.


	15. Chapter 15

Lillian Luthor surprises Lena one night as she’s exiting L-Corp with Kara.

Kara wears her supergirl persona even though the cape is hidden underneath a striped sweater.

“Lena.”

She can’t help but stand straighter. All of her mothers berating comes back faster than she would have thought possible. She doubts she can escape it.

Lillian looks to the woman next to her. “Kara.”

It’s not contempt in her voice. It makes Lena more apprehensive all the same.

She turns her attention back to her daughter. “We should have dinner. It’s been some time.”

It went back to Lex as nearly everything in her life did. No one said his name aloud just then. Some names didn’t have to be said in order to be part of a conversation.

“I have a table reserved tomorrow at the only michelin star rated restaurant in this city. Seven o’clock.”

Kara doesn’t think it’s a question.

Lena answers to the woman whose her mother. “We will be there.”

 

Lena explains as they get ready that they’ve already been to the restaurant. Kara had no clue that Lena on their first date had taken them to the highest rated restaurant in National City. If she wasn’t stressed she would be laughing to herself.

She decides to wear the sixth outfit she’s put on. Lena fusses over her collar. She steals a kiss.

Kara wants to make it easier for Lena. It’s not something that she can fix. Lena and Lillians’s relationship wasn’t something for her to solve. It was up to them. Lena and Lillian. Kara was a bystander, a guest invited to the table. She was not Lena’s protector. She was there for her as her advocate and as her girlfriend. She wasn’t sure what she was more comfortable with. She tried to clear her head as they entered the restaurant.

Lillian was already seated. She got up as the pair followed the maitre d’ across the restaurant to a secluded booth. Lena sat down and Kara followed.

She rested a hand on Lena’s thigh. She was there. With her left hand Lena held onto Kara’s hand. She was holding it like a lifeline as if she were about to drift out into an infinite body of water.

This was more than just a dinner.

Kara didn’t want this to be a test. 

Lillian took a sip of her wine. “I’m glad your current girlfriend knows how to dress herself. I thought Veronica’s tattoos were a bit much. There was no need.”

She hears Lena’s heart skip a beat.

Lena’s tight lipped. “Thank you mother.”

Lillian detects the tension permeating the situation. “I receive the board minutes but I know there’s more than just that. You must have something else ready to launch next quarter.”

Lena takes it in stride. She speaks through the business like the seasoned pro that she is. It doesn’t require much thought for her to share this with Lillian. This was never the hard part of their relationship.

Kara narrowly excuses herself for the bathroom when a supergirl emergency crops up. She swears to herself as she makes a hasty exit.

The first course has been taken off the table by the time Kara comes back.

A bathroom excuse is not going to cover this nor the burning smell that her flight back didn’t fully shake.

Lillian has an expecting look in her eye when Kara makes her entrance back to the table. She has to remind herself not to slink. She knows Lillian can probably smell her fear. It’s not that she’s a Luthor. It’s that she’s Lena’s mom. She wanted to make a good impression. She knew what she thought of her. The threat from the Daxamite invasion when they were in the Fortress of Solitude still loomed over her.

She gets a nod from Lena. She doesn’t mention it. Her mom does that for her.

“Nice of you to get back to us supergirl.”

Lena looks around frantically trying to make sure no one heard Lillian exposing Kara.

Kara blushes but she doesn’t say anything. She’s not going to fight the truth.

When Lena’s head stops swiveling about, Lillian’s caustic. “I’ve known all along.” She continues but the edge begins to slop off. “At least you have improved better taste now. Veronica was a handful even though she’s a successful business woman in her own right. Now this one,” She gestures at Kara, “she’s found her own success. She has a way with words especially when it comes to you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Although, Ms. Danvers has a way of finding herself in precarious situations but I could say the same about you.”

The waiter comes with the next course.

Lillian thankfully redirects the conversation. She engages with Lena about the children’s hospital and plans for expansion.

She’s quicker than she would ever let on. Lena had to get it from somewhere. Kara thought it stemmed from her. She’s a pawn amidst their chess game. She’s there for Lena. That’s her purpose. She remains faithful to that. Dueling with Lillian is harder than staring a yet to be identified alien in what may or may not be their eyes.

 

The dinner winds to a close.

Kara thanks Lillian as they stand outside as a valet fetches her car.

She swears Lillian smirks at them.

Lena calls her out on it.

She’s bit off more than she can chew. “You do know Lena it’s not everyday you bring your plus one out to dinner with your often estranged mother.”

There’s not a response from Lena. She doesn’t know what to do with those words.

The young valet gets out of the tinted car, he rushes to Lillian and gives her the keys.

Lillian’s hand grasps the fob. “You’re never one to disappoint Lena darling.”

She leaves Kara and Lena standing side by side. Kara winds her fingers with Lena’s.

 

Lena paces in her striped pajama pants and oversize MIT hoodie. Kara sits on the couch worrying about her girlfriend. She’s not going to push. She sees Lena working up to something.

She has one hand on her forehead, the other is in a fist hanging by her side.

“I can’t believe she knew. Everyone knew before I did.”

Kara knows Lena is talking about her being supergirl. The pain is somehow fresh yet again.

“Am I really that stupid?”

“Lena you’re not stupid.”

She turns to Kara. “I sure as hell feel stupid. My mother saw right through. I didn’t.”

She’s sincere. “I’m sorry.”

Lena shakes her head. “I know. I know. I don’t even know what she meant when she said I was never one to disappoint. Whose mother says that?”

Lillian Luthor did. It wasn’t easy. Their whole relationship was one cryptic mind puzzle to the next. They spun precisely knotted cats cradles for the other.

Kara wants to make light of the situation. “She didn’t seem to hate me or us being together.”

She exhales loudly. “That would be too easy. Preying on the fact I’m gay would be low hanging fruit for her.”

It’s a blow. Kara feels her anger and pain radiate out.

There is no fixing the situation. Sure it could have been worse. But it still was what it was. There was no bandaid that would make the scar of Lena and Lillians relationship fade into nothingness.

 

That night Kara held Lena. She was pressed against her front. She wasn’t going to let go unless Lena asked her to.

This is what people did for the ones that they loved. Kara wanted to live that not just think it.

Lena cries out in her sleep. Kara’s there for her. She wakes her up, urging her back into consciousness.

There are tears in Lena’s green eyes.

Kara’s there for Lena. She had messed up in the past. She owned that. Being there for Lena was one of the few thing she was sure of. She’d move the world for her. In that moment it was about being there with her. Breathing the same air. Existing together. They were two people sure. But they were one couple. Kara wanted to face it with Lena. So she held her girlfriend as she cried. She rubbed circles on her back. She was present. Kara had powers that made others consider her a god. But to Lena it was always about the small things. Actions spoke louder then words. What Kara’s actions said was that she was there for her in the good, the bad and the ugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter for me which is hopefully all right. We have already met Kara's mom, Eliza, in this story. I couldn't help but wonder what a situation with Lillian would look like especially with Lena and Kara being romantically involved.  
> That's this chapter. Family stuff is hard enough as it is without dating a superhero being in the equation.  
> There's family and then there's found family. We are in control of our own narratives. 
> 
> Until next time. Thanks for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

Clark Kent makes his presence known. He clears his throat Lena looks away from her screen.

“Mr. Kent, what do I owe the pleasure?”

She didn’t intend to be biting. Clark lets out a fake laugh and adjusts his glasses. Lena wonders if Kara got it from him or he got it from Kara.

She’s sure that he wasn’t on her schedule. Kara had not mentioned that he was supposed to be within National City borders. She knows Kara would have organized a dinner if that had been the case.

“Lena, you know that you can call me Clark.” His cheeks are dusted with a light blush.

Lena thinks he practically oozes charm. She’s not one to be fooled.

She goes with it, emphasizing his name. “Clark, I didn’t expect to see you today.”

He puts his bag down and rests a hand on a chair across from Lena. She wonders if he’s settling into a conversation. She doesn’t know if it’s going to be about work or about super matters.

“Kara doesn’t know I’m here.”

The scales in Lena’s mind are leaning towards the side in which this is not a professional encounter.

“She’s really fond of you.”

His words sealed the deal. It was going to be one of those conversations.

Lena reminds him of the truth she heard frequently, “Kara’s told me that much herself.”

Lena saying her name aloud makes Clark uneasy. She sees his shoulders rise. Part of her wants to call him out on his bullshit. She knows who he is. There is no need in making himself small.

She’s supposed to be working on healthy choices. Months into untangling this knot in Lena’s psyche her therapist didn’t find the same humor Lena did in the matter. She thought about her and everything they had worked on.

She sighs. “What is it you want Clark?”

He slips into the chair across from her. He puts his leather messenger bag on his lap. Lena watches him as his fingers play at the straps.

Objectively this wasn’t supposed to be hard. A conversation required two sides. Lena being one side. Clark being the other. Uncomfortableness radiated off of him.

He mumbles, “Lois would never.”

“Come again?”

He swallows. There’s a hint of gravitas hiding behind his spectacles when he looks at Lena. “I really hope you prove me wrong.”

Lena twitches. His words feel like an attack.

He’s not finished. “Kara’s the kindest person. Do you know she’s stronger than me?” He doesn’t bother with waiting for her response. “She’s defeated me before. She could again if that’s what the situation called for.”

She calls him out. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“I love Kara. If that’s what you feel for her then…”

“Clark do you know we’ve been seeing each other for more than eight months now?”

He rocks back in his chair. The answer was obviously no.

“I’m not a romantic person. It would be a stretch to call me a people person. My family’s done enough damage to make me wary of every person I encounter. Kara, she’s different, in the best ways. I didn’t want to develop feelings for her. I know how the story goes when a Luthor and a Super cross paths.

“She convinced me. I wanted to hate her. She hid such a huge part of herself from me for years.” She spits his name out, “Lex, was the one who told me.” She steadies herself. “Like I said I wanted to hate her.”

“But you don’t?”

“I don’t. I would follow Kara to the ends of the Earth if that’s what she asked from me. We both know she would never do that though. Kara’s different it’s not about being your cousin.”

Clark wrings his hands.

Lena has nothing to prove to this man. Lois was right. Clark had no business in having this conversation.

“Clark you’ve made your own choices so have I. Kara doesn’t need your protection.”

“I know.”

“What do you think she would say if she knew about this conversation?”

“Lena please.”

She finds the whole thing ironic. 

He tries again. He wears the defeat openly. “I don’t think of myself as a god. There hasn’t been one day where I haven’t regretted something that I’ve done. I make mistakes just like everyone else. I care about Kara. Trust me in that.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

He wonders why Lena hasn’t kicked him out of her office yet. He knows he doesn’t deserve the time that she’s given him. She’s busy running a multi-billion dollar company while he could be doing anything else including finishing the article that was due two hours from now. But he was there with the sun bleeding into the room. Lena sat behind her desk. She was giving him the time and the attention even though he was interrupting her day.

“I don’t mean any offense. If Kara’s happy that’s all I should be asking for.”

There’s a but which hangs in the air without him saying it.

Lena waits for the proverbial shoe to drop.

“I didn’t expect her to have it with you.” Clark puts his hand through his hair. “I remember when you were little and you had to visit the manor in Smallville. It’s hard to reconcile that person with the person sitting across from me.”

It’s condescending even if that was not his intent. The entire conversation rubs Lena the wrong way. Clark Kent was more than a mere mortal but he couldn’t set the situation straight.

She folds her hands on her desk just before her keyboard. “As an adult then Clark I would hope you would respect both mine but more importantly Kara’s choices. I’m not that same person anymore, neither are you last time I checked.”

He blanches.

“I care about Kara. Our relationship is important to me I didn’t think I had to tell you that. After our double date in Metropolis I thought you understood that.”

She sees him clench his jaw, gritting his teeth.

“Kara looks up to you. Like you said earlier she’s stronger than you. We all have something to learn from her. Neither of us are exempt. I know that but by you being here it proves that you overlooked the most rudimentary fact. Kara is her own person. She can choose what to do and who to see. No one can control that except for her.”

He gets to his feet. “Point taken.”

Clark is dignified enough not to scramble out the door.

Lena gets the last word in. “I believed in you Mr. Kent.”

 

Lena joins Alex at the bar. Alex slides her a beer as she sits down. Kara’s out working late. It’s one of the few times she’s appreciative of Snapper.

“Guess who visited me today?”

Alex’s eyebrows go up.

“America’s favorite boy scout himself.”

“Superman?”

Lena lowers her voice. “Clark.”

Alex puts her nearly finished beer down and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Please tell me it had something to do with work.”

“I wish.”

She stares at Lena for a few seconds before putting her arm around her shoulders.

Spending enough time around Kara had helped her grow less touch averse. Lena was continually learning that some things couldn’t be spoken with words. Actions spoke louder somehow.

“You can tell me what he tried to assert his way into if you want.”

“He seemed like he intended to defend Kara’s honor from the big bad Luthor.”

Alex shakes her head. “Yikes.”

“He really dug himself a new one.”

“He probably didn’t even think Kara wasn’t straight until you entered the picture.”

Lena freezes. She hasn’t thought about it like that. She’s the first woman in Kara’s life. There are so many first shared between them. It’s overwhelming as it washes over her.

She finds herself defending Clark Kent. “He wasn’t homophobic.”

Alex clarifies. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just, sometimes he’s antiquated. Everything he does he does well. He makes things look effortless”

“Sounds like my brother.”

Her words cause Alex to fall silent.

“Kara doesn’t need anyone to defend her. She’s a grown woman.”

“Clark is weird. He’s late to the party when it concerns Kara.”

“You could say that again.”

Alex gets another round. She clinks her glass with Lena’s. “Welcome to the family.”

 

Lena and Kara are getting ready for bed. Kara’s in the bathroom brushing her teeth as Lena pulls back the blankets on the bed.

Kara clicks off the bathroom light. “Lois texted me.”

Lena raises an eyebrow asking Kara if that’s so.

“I’m sorry about my cousin.”

Lena flops into bed.

Kara doesn’t get in just yet. She’s staring out into the night.

“I didn’t ask him to.”

“I know you didn’t Kara.”

“I just, I never expected him to barge in on you like that.”

Lena wants to forget about it. She has a box ready to put it in.

She’s still tipsy. She was drunk when Kara picked her up, buzzed when they made it back to Kara’s apartment. Now she was closer to sober but she wasn’t quite there yet. Lena opens up her arms to Kara.

She had not been planning on bringing it up.

Kara holds her tight. “He’s randomly protective.” She puts her chin on Lena’s head. “It’s never when I actually need him. I mean he helped a few times when I was first getting a handle on being Supergirl. When it comes to something that matters to me as Kara Danvers he’s stays on the sidelines.”

Lena twists so she can see Kara.

“I think about it how I have constantly sought out his approval but he doesn’t stay. He never has. I shouldn’t care like I do.”

Her hands are around Kara. “Caring is what makes you you.”

She earns a smile in return.

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I do. I love you too.”

Kara nods. “I can talk to him.”

“No need.”

“Really?”

“Something tells me if Lois texted you she took care of that for us both.”

“Probably.”

She snuggles somehow further into Kara. Heat emanates from her alien girlfriend. Lena relishes in it and her clean smell with just a hint of vanilla. “He didn’t scare me off.”

Kara rubs circles on Lena back as she falls asleep. Kara counts her heartbeats trying to focus on something other than her own thoughts.

She’s mad at Clark. But she’s also confused. The timing is off. Was it until now that he realized they were romantically involved? She berates herself for not making it clearer sooner. She’s happy with Lena and proud of what they have. She wishes her cousin could see that. Lena was someone to Kara. She was a light in her life. She wanted Clark to respect that. She cared what he thought. Kara craved his respect.

She kept coming back to the point that there were the people who left and then there were the people who stayed. He hadn’t stayed for her. Not when she came to Earth. Nor today. He had made time to stick his neck out but not to see Kara. Clark had screwed up. He cared but not in the ways which Kara needed. Not now or then. She wants more from him just like she wants more from herself. She can’t be him. For once she realizes that that didn’t have to be a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Let me know what you think. The last few chapters have been a bit different. I sometimes get these snapshots of the Supergirl characters and then the chapter unfurls from there. This one all started when I imagined Clark visiting Lena but it wasn't for business. He thought he was acting on behalf of Kara.   
> The rest, well you read the rest. As I have learned time and time again good intentions don't always yield positive results. 
> 
> Until next time. Thanks as always for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is straight up smut. If that's not your thing feel free to by pass this chapter.

The only analogy which Lena can draw when it comes to how Kara treats her is that Kara practically worships her. She’s had different lovers, fuck buddies and nameless hookups. Sex wasn’t as inherently personal to Lena like it was to Kara. She thought it could be the disconnect she had with her body. Kara was so closely tied to what her body could do. Lena knew what it was like to use her body. She knew how people stared. She knew how to walk just so and what was expected of her by just being female. It was a thin line in which to walk. But Lena can’t remember a time she didn’t have to.

There’s a way in which Kara treats her. Kind doesn’t do it justice. No. Kara treasures each inch of skin she finds when they have sex. Lena swears she whispers kryptonian sayings into her skin. Those words and the meanings come later.

Kara wants to see her. Hiding no longer has a place between them. In darkness or light. Lena feels aroused just thinking about it.

The night before Kara had nearly been feverish in her actions.

Kara had joined Lena in her apartment. She entered through the window instead of the front door. Lena declined to ask if it was because she forgot her keys in the pocket of the jeans she was wearing before the supergirl emergency struck. She could imagined some DEO intern searching in Catco for the cloth pants and pastel button up Kara had left wearing this morning. It had to be someones job to procure Kara’s clothing after emergencies. Lena laughed to herself about what that job title could possibly be.

Kara joined her on the couch. There was the look in her eye. It was a window in. Lena didn’t ask all the words died on her lips.

Kara leans in, their foreheads meet. It’s as if they are sharing the same breath.

Kara’s expression is heavy. Lena can tell that she’s feeling it. The immensity of responsibility Kara put upon her own shoulders. She was not atlas shrugged. For all intents and purposes she could be. But that’s never what Lena wanted her to be. Kara was allowed to be a person, an individual just like everyone else. That’s what Lena wished for her.

The tears are held at bay in Kara’s eyes. They’re pooling but they have not spilled down her cheeks. She looks at Lena like she’s her whole world.

Kara kisses Lena. It brings her back to the night where everything changed. Kara’s supercharged with emotion. Lena senses that she’s trying to giver her a part of it. She doesn’t know how to express it with words. So she’s saying it with how she’s kissing Lena. The way her fingers hold her. Close isn’t close enough.

When Lena’s legs wrap around Kara, Kara cradles Lena to her. She gets up and brings them to her bedroom. Lena would be lying if she said she looked to see if they were flying or not. In that moment there was no part of her brain which thought if Kara’s feet were touching the ground.

Lena pulls Kara’s cape, it falls to the ground just shy of the bed.

It’s not a game of taking off clothes. That would indicate a race was occurring.

It was not that type of night.

Kara lays Lena out on the bed. Her hair fans the pillows.

Lena watches her lick her lips. She sees her face and the crest. There’s more underneath it all.

She wants Kara to be rid of the clothes she’s wearing. She wants her to be free and most of all she wants to feel Kara.

She pushes her sweats off of her hips and down her legs. She kicks them free. She hears Kara hum to herself as she wrestles herself out of her tank.

She finds bruises dotting Kara’s ribs by the time she’s out of the suit. They won’t be there tomorrow morning when they both get ready for work. She doesn’t speak about the fight Kara must have endured before coming home. She doesn’t say anything at all. Kara is kissing her. Her lips move along her jaw, then the hollow of her neck.

Lena has her hands in Kara’s hair scratching at her scalp.

Kara is slow with her. She kisses each inch of Lena’s skin. She’s murmuring words of her people into the soft skin of her abdomen. Lena watches her. Kara’s cheeks are red. She knows it’s not from exertion.

Her nails scratch at Kara’s back, she’s grasping at her. This woman is all too good for her. She doesn’t know what she did to deserve her. But she makes the choice to fall into the feeling of it. She focuses on Kara’s ministrations.

She doesn’t know how much time has eclipsed when Kara finds her spot between Lena’s legs.

For anyone else Lena would be embarrassed at how wet she is. That thought doesn’t enter Lena’s mind when she’s with Kara. Not then.

Kara’s mouth is on her clit and whatever words her mouth make don’t do justice for how Kara is making her feel.

When Kara’s tongue enters her she all but whites out. Pleasure rolls over her and through her. She wonders if her body is vibrating with sheer delight.

It’s Kara, her superhero girlfriend. She’s doing things to her she didn’t know that she could. Lena’s fingers are knotted in Kara’s hair telling her where she needs her. Her knuckles are white. Her toes are curled.

Kara brings her impossibly close just to change her movement. Tangible words come from Lena.

Kara takes the direction.

She’s sucking on Lena’s clit while her fingers fill her. Lena bucks into Kara’s face.

Lena comes so hard she wonders if she passes out.

Kara’s there with her. She hasn’t let go just yet.

She tastes herself on Kara’s lips. She kisses her hard sucking on her lower lip. Lena knows she’s going to be deliciously sore come tomorrow. But that was a problem for then. Just Kara brushing against her chest sent a jolt through her entire body.

Kara pulled blankets over them. Lena nestled into Kara’s side. She relished in the heat which emanated from her.

She didn’t know what had gotten into Kara. She loved her. That night she loved her for how she made her body feel. As she drifts into sleep she thinks she may as well be the one who can fly in the relationship.


	18. Chapter 18

Lena wakes up by herself. She doesn’t think twice about it. She has no reason to. Not yet.

She receives a cursory text from Alex requesting her to come to the DEO. Lena doesn’t think twice before having the rest of her day cleared.

When Lena had called Alex to tell her that she was coming she was told that it wasn’t a rush. It made her hurry all the same. She had a feeling. She wasn’t going to say what it was. But she had a sour taste in her mouth. She was preparing herself for the other shoe to drop.

She approaches someone who hair falls just like Kara’s, they’re just the right height with a too green sweater that would be silly on anyone but her girlfriend. By the time she reaches out her arm, her fingers extending, the form morphs into J’onn.

The sinking feeling in her gut increases substantially as the last martian turns and finds her there in the DEO.

Alex stops whatever she was saying when her eyes find Lena. 

She hears herself ask. “Where is she?”

Alex crosses her arms over her chest. Lena can see her clench her jaw.

J’onn has his hands on his hips. Lena reminds herself that there’s no reason to get mad, not yet. His voice is deep, he commands attention without asking for it. “We have reason to believe that Kara may have had a run in with red kryptonite.”

“Excuse me?”

Alex grabs the tablet in front of her. She unlocks it and pivots the screen so Lena can see. “Our morning scans showed some abnormal radiation signatures.”

Lena looks at the screen trying to find an answer to a question she hasn’t asked.

“Have you seen Kara today?”

She puts the tablet back down and looks back at the duo of J’onn and Alex in their matching DEO blacks. “No.”

They share a look. Her blood pressure ratchets up.

J’onn poses the next question. “When was the last time you saw Kara?”

Lena thinks about the previous night. Kara didn’t say a word from the moment she came back to her apartment. She had found Lena there.

The rest causes a blush to bloom from Lena’s chest quickly rising to her face.

J’onn cuts her off, “I’m getting a psychic dampener.” He stalks away, a man on a mission.

Alex rises her eyebrows at Lena.

“I can’t help that he can read my mind.”

She tries to mask her laugh as a cough.

J’onn returns, Lena attaches the cool metal dampener to her temple.

It takes a full minute before J’onn looks Lena in her eyes. Lena knows that that’s going to be a thing to be dealt with. But she wants to get back on track. “You said something about red kryptonite?”

J’onn explains, “I checked in for her at Catco. No one had seen her since yesterday afternoon when she left for an assignment.”

“What does that have to do with the radiation signatures?”

Alex breaks in. “We think Kara might have sensed what was going on and she’s hiding until it wears off.”

“What are you talking about?”

The question is laid out for Lena. “Was Kara different to you last night?”

She touches the metallic dampener. Lena knows its not her or L-Corps tech. She wonders if its some sort of cruel joke to have to think about the unfucking believable sex she had the previous night with her girlfriend all while her girlfriends sister and boss waited for her response.

“I wouldn’t say anything out of the ordinary.” Lena tries to see through the lines of Kara’s actions. “She didn’t say anything.”

“She went to sleep and when you woke up you didn’t see her?”

J’onn puts his hand out signaling Alex to stop. “You don’t need to know the details.”

Lena feels like her body is on fire with sheer embarrassment.

The cogs turn in Alex’s mind. “Oh. Oh, come on seriously?”

He cringes. “You have no idea.”

“Can we please work on answers instead of my sex life? Please?”

She knows the please was unnecessary and un-Luthor like. But Lena wants to push everyone and anyone away from thinking about her and Kara having sex. It’s not an all hands on deck experience. It’s between her and Kara, period. No one else was involved.

They turn their attention to the command module. “We have reason to believe that after Kara’s last run in with red kryptonite she’s must be aware of it. The radiation signatures aren’t pure it seems to be synthetic.”

“You’re telling me Kara is hiding until the red kryptonite stops infecting her?”

His confidence grates against Lena’s nerves. “That is exactly what we are telling you.”

She has a million questions. Lena wants to know what happened last time. What had Kara done that evoked this response from J’onn and Alex? She had seen her brothers research. Red kryptonite was dangerous. It didn’t effect Kara or Clark physically. That would be to simple. It effected their emotions. Lena had never been close enough to experience the shock waves herself.

That was until last night. Kara had had her way with Lena. It wasn’t just sex. Kara had taken Lena. She hadn’t said anything. But she played Lena’s body like a finely tuned instrument.

Lena didn’t know what to make of the situation. It wasn’t one hundred percent proven. But she couldn’t help but get stuck on the fact that when the worst was being evoked from Kara the one thing she did was practically fuck Lena senseless and disappear by the morning. She had not asked anything from Lena. The girl of steel didn’t ask anyone to bend for her. No. That was far from what the reality of the situation was.

Lena didn’t say it. So the waiting game commenced.

She spent the day sending emails and fielding work from her laptop all from a cursory VPN Winn had created amidst one crisis or another. They were starting to blend together.

 

The clock on the wall said 2:13 AM when the alarms blared to life.

Kara trudged down the stairs as the guards rushed out in full SWAT regalia. In a corner of Lena’s mind she thought that the scene in front of was the embodiment of poetic justice.

Kara has her hands up. Her cape is dirty. Her red boots are smeared with caked on mud. She doesn’t look all that super. She looks human.

When J’onn gives the all clear they get Kara under sun lamps.

Alex is drilling her with questions.

Their suspicions were on the right path.

Lena is brought into the fold of the conversation, when Alex tries to understand why Kara had come back to National City the night prior.

Kara squeezes her eyes shut. There’s a shuddering breath that makes the room fall quiet. She pinches her nose. “I wanted to see my girlfriend, can we leave it at that?”

“I just don’t get why you went home when you knew something was wrong. You put Lena in danger.”

Kara shoots up in bed. Her voice cuts through. “I would never.”

“You did though Kara. If you thought you were under the influence of kryptonite what would possess you to put Lenain a situation.”

“If I tell you Alex will you promise to drop this?”

She mumbles that it better be good.

Her chin dips down. She musters some strength from within. “I wanted to see my girlfriend. I had this mad desire to make her feel good. I felt like I had to give her that.”

Alex’s mouth forms an O.

J’onn gives her an out. “We can do the paperwork later, Lena can you take her home?”

Everyone shushes Kara as she tries to tell them that she’s perfectly capable of flying them both home.

“I will.”

Lena calls her car.

They ride in silence. Kara is wearing standard issue DEO workout clothes. Her suit is in a baggy Lena insisted on putting in her work bag. She wonders when the situation will be funny.She decides it’s still going to take a while.

They get to Kara’s apartment building. Lena thanks George who wishes them a good night even though its essentially the morning. The sun is hovering on the horizon about to make its daily trek into the sky.

Kara doesn’t look at Lena as they climb the stairs and she unlocks the door.

Lena is waiting for whatever it is Kara has to say.

Kara fills a cup of water from the tap. She drinks it and does it once more.

No lights are turned on in the apartment.

She assumes correctly that they are going to have a conversation about it.

Kara is staring from the counter to her couch and the tv. “I’m sorry. I just, I wasn’t thinking yesterday. Alex was right I put you in danger.”

Lena knows better than to put herself in Kara’s bubble. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She looks at her girlfriend. “I wasn’t in control.”

“You didn’t hurt me. I promise.”

Kara puts her face in her hands. “I don’t know how to do this.”

The truth was Lena didn’t either.

“I hid out the whole day and it was awful. I hate not having control. I kept trying to figure out what to say.” She hesitates. “It’s not like I hurt someone this time. No one’s secret identity was exposed to the public. It could have been a lot worse.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about.”

Her voice rings out. “I do though, Lena. We both know that.”

There is no easy solution for this. No sentence could put a bow on the day. This was their life.

“We should go to bed. We’re both exhausted.”

Kara has tears in her eyes as Lena waits for her to follow into her bedroom.

Lena doesn’t quite recognize her. “I should sleep on the couch.”

“Kara.”

“Lena I messed up, all right? Let me have this.”

She doesn’t have the energy to fight. What she wants is to fall asleep with her girlfriend after a too long day.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I don’t trust myself. I feel like I violated our relationship.”

“Can you hear me when I say you didn’t?”

Kara looks to her. She’s wounded.

“You didn’t take advantage of me. Nothing that happened was against what I wanted. I’ve never seen that side of you, sure. It wasn’t bad, all right. We can deal with that later. All I want is to go to sleep and know that you’re there with me.”

“Okay.”

She’s surprised Kara didn’t push back harder.

They’re silent as they get ready for bed.

Kara lays on her side on the far side of the bed a centimeter from falling onto the floor. Lena tells herself its better than Kara sleeping on the couch in the room over. It’s all so different than the previous night.

Kara was on the other side but she was there all the same.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end folks (at least this time around)

It took a few days. There was impending doom. Not the type where the world was in peril. but enough to put a knot instead of a bow between Kara and Lena.

Lena knew that it came back to communication. She needed something more from Kara. There love languages were different to begin with. To Lena it was never a question if Kara cared. She knew that Kara loved her and cared more than anyone else in her life. There was something that Kara had yet to tell her. She knew Kara and she knew that their was a piece missing. It could be labeled instinctual or as Lena thought it was merely a matter of time.

 

“Can we go back?”

Lena asks her to repeat the words even though she heard just fine the first time. She wants to buy herself time now that they’re actually having the conversation.

“I messed up. It’s why I had to leave in the first place. I had to put that distance down. I couldn’t trust myself like that.”

“Kara.”

She’s met with tears.

“That’s not who I want to be.”

Lena’s confused. “I thought, red kryptonite…” Her voice tapers off.

Kara looks down. “It’s me but its the pieces of me that I want to keep locked inside.”

“Do you resent yourself for what happened?”

“I could have hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I know. I could have. Just thinking about that, putting you in a position where you could get hurt, it just, I can’t. You understand that, right? I can’t help but resent myself for that.”

She wonders if they’re stuck at a stalemate.

Kara scrubs at her face. “I keep doing this. I do things in the wrong order. I’m the one who messes this up.”

Lena reaches out to her, Kara holds out her hand stopping her. Kara knows that with Lena’s arms around her she’d fall quiet. In Lena’s arms the world always seemed that much safer. It wasn’t logical nor true. But Kara knew that being held by Lena she didn’t have to be the person everyone expected her to be. She could be the person she felt deep inside even if that version of her didn’t have a voice others could hear. No one else was Lena.

“I meant it, what I said in the DEO when Alex was grilling me.”

There’s a question in Lena’s eyes.

“I hadn’t even realized what was going on when I came back to the apartment and you were on the couch. All I could think about was you. You were the only person on my mind.

“You make everything better. My life is better with you in it. I just, the only thing on my mind was to give you the world. I didn’t say anything. That part of me, like I said, it’s stowed away it doesn’t see the light of day. I guess, no, I knew when you were asleep and I was holding you something just clicked in my brain.

“I fled because I was afraid and I was ashamed. I would give you the world Lena even though you would never ask. I did what I could. I just wish I could have told you instead. That part of me had to show you and I just, I’m embarrassed.”

Lena asks Kara if she can give her a hug. Kara nods.

Lena has her arms around her when she feels Kara tremble. Kara cries. Lena is unsure what it is which Kara feels most acutely. The emotions matter though. The act of crying was one of letting go. It was never pure release. But emotions demanded to be felt.

Kara cried and Lena held her.

When Lena grabs her girlfriend a tissue and wipes at her own eyes she speaks up. “Let’s not wait to have a conversation like this. I’m sorry you felt that way and harbored all of that resentment. I accept your apology even though you don’t need to be sorry.”

Kara reminds herself to blow her nose gently as she counts Lena’s heartbeats.

“It doesn’t have to be all about me. But Kara, if the one thing you wanted to do was be there for me, don’t you realize that says something itself?”

She doesn’t understand the question.

“It all means something. You don’t have to keep that locked away. You told me when we first became friends that I didn’t have to hide. That is the same for you.”

Lena’s voice is stronger than she internally feels. “I love you and that hasn’t changed. That was some of the best sex in my entire life. But I’ve said it before, I care about you before I care about the physical stuff between us. You, Kara Danvers, are my favorite person. I promise.”

Kara smiles with red eyes.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Kara all you ever had to do was be yourself. That’s all I could ever need from you.”

Lena puts her hand in Kara’s. They have to work on it. They’re not strangers to challenges. But if there was one thing they shared it was the ability to overcome. Both Lena and Kara were intimately familiar with struggle and loss. Amidst everything else the least they could be was themselves.

Vulnerability wasn’t easy and it never would be. But it mattered all the same. It was not a currency that could be measured but it could be shared from one person to another.

Kara loved Lena ardently. It was more than just a word. She felt it to the core of her being. There wasn’t a day when she wouldn’t be there for the woman next to her. She promised herself and she told Lena as such. The look meeting her in Lena’s green eyes was one Kara treasured. Sometimes words didn’t do the justice of the moment. This was one of those moments. It wasn’t about the perfect lighting or the epic victory. It was about two imperfect people willing to work and walk forward together. It could have been nothing. But it was like the moments months and months ago when Lena told Kara that she trusted her and that Kara had to trust herself too. What they had, it was between them. It wasn’t perfect nor was it something that could be replicated. Lena thought that perhaps Kara was the most human of all. Her imperfections made her Kara Danvers. She didn’t ask where she would be without her. She just thanked the powers that be that they were where they were. Lena knew that this, just this, was perhaps the richest thing in her entire life and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Lena and Kara were together. The world spun on, they were pieces of it. To each other they were everything.


End file.
